I am not your average 20 year old.
I don't party.
I don't spend money frivilously.
I don't smoke.
I don't drink.. well not heavily.. or socially.. whatever.
I don't do spontanious things.
I don't go to the movies every friday.
I don't sneak out.
I don't hang out.
I don't get my hair done.
I don't get my nails done.
I don't shop.
I don't keep up with the jones (i don't even know how to)
I don't buy new clothes. (I buy shoes, but i've since toned that down.. honestly most people i know buy something new every other day. I do not)
I don't date..
I don't have time..
Here's what i do do..
I go to school.
I take care of my family.
I save money.
I pay bills.
I might watch tv.. maybe..
I eat.... Thats about it..
That sums it up mostly. I am in no way average. So who am i to think that i could date? Trying to hang out with friends is an ordeal, let alone trying to sync my minimalistic schedule with someone else's. Trying to date L has been hectic. We don't really get to do anything. Any moment we have together we steal, and those moments are always short lived.
So i've got a boyfriend. They're easier to manage.. plus i really really like L. So this feels right. I don't feel cheated out of dating around anymore. What i do feel cheated out of is living my life.
The mom expects me home right after work. So immediatey following the 9 to 5 i start the 5 to 9 ( which tends to work me overtime well into the wee hours of 1 am.)
But who am i to complain??
Right. I've got a roof over my head. Even if it feels like a prison most of the time. The mom claims that she doesn't care what i do after the house is "set". However she failed to give a definition for "set" so who knows when the house will achieve that goal.
So until then, im a slave to sneaking moments of short lived fun and declining day's of shopping with the girls. I've got to be a responsible adult!
I might as well get married and have kids.
The faster i have kids, the faster they grow up, the faster i can live vicariously through them. My youth is two steps from gone.
Give it a rest my mind says, stop trying to fight the lack of life.. deal with the dullness of your existence. Release the envy against those who can life to the fullest. You have no right to complain. You're alive.
I guess I can sum it up as this: who am i to say im not alive??