Saturday, December 3, 2011

The Eve of a New Dawn (12.1.11)

It begins now. The electronic structure of my demise these sweet words hang loose on the clothing line. In a watery rape it all makes sense if you say yes. So i said yes. and i enjoyed the uncomfortability of the humming tv. Deja Vu. i saw it previously.. playing loudly .. through my memory.
i wanted it. i really did. Didn't i? did i? i did. of course.

I didn't feel the pain until today. I didn't know there was pain until today. I ignored an moved away from the hidden words I wanted to say. I don't feel ashamed of the game that I played. I guess.

I don't know there aren't many thoughts left. I am weak. But that's ok. I am ok with that. I accept it. There is nothing wrong with understanding that you are weak. There is nothing wrong with understanding that you can  have control of that. And there is nothing wrong with not activating that control. Just be weak.
It allows the time to go faster. Then tomorrow will come and I'll do it again. maybe. We'll see. I just can't seem to stop me.

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