Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Can I feel any worse??

So I haven't posted in quite some time, and there are plenty of reason's behind that.
I know everything is a little confusing, and as I said from the start of this that I would be blunt and honest, I've came to the conclusion that hiding any information from my blog would be like trying to hide information from myself, and this information is something that would be near IMPOSSIBLE to hide from myself. So let me get to the point...

I'm pregnant.

Yes, take it in for a moment. But wait there's more.

I'm actually kinda happy.

The only thing that doesn't make me happy is how other people will feel about the news. Of course the first thoughts that would drop into their mind would be.. "OH NO!" "She's so young!!" "How could she do that to her life??" "Now what will she do?" "Another irresponsible teen/adult!!" "Blashpheme!!" "Abortion!!" "SHE'S DONE FOR!!"

But truthfully, I don't believe any of that bullshit. My life will be just fine. I'll just have an addition to it.
Honestly think of it this way if it makes you feel better. I've been an adult/parent all my life. I did a short bought of being a teen and the people in my life didn't like it anyway, so oh well.
Let me answer all of your burning questions...

Who is the father?? L

Whaaaa?? Yes, I know, I've only known him for a month.. well I've only dated him for a month. But it happened. Life happens. And we deal. If you get a paper cut, the world doesn't end. If you get a scar, it doesn't end either.. even though you have to live with that scar and the consequences of that scar for the rest of your life. (*note: not that im calling my child a scar, it's a beautiful entity that I welcome into this terrible world)

Does the father know?? Yes

How does he feel about it?? He's scared. But excited too, and happy to share this experience with me. He really does love me (fuck all those who say otherwise.. if I do end up finding out that he's lying.. that's life too, I'll deal)

Are you going to keep it?? Yes

Did you tell your parents/family?? No, and I don't plan on doing so.. at least not yet. I'll cross that bridge when I feel like it's safe to. Honestly I think my mother would kill me and my father would die. 

What are you going to do now?? Ahh, the famous question. I'm going to live. It's going to be hard at first, but I've got people who love and care about me helping me through this. Having a child is not terrible. I'm going to continue doing what's best for me, but now i't'll be more of what's best for my child, but still me too. We're a team now...

I still have dreams, and believe or not they're still achiveable. Even with a child.. GASP!!

I haven't told anyone at work yet, but I plan too. So far only a few good friends and L know. I'm 7 weeks.. surprise!.. so I'm not showing yet but I've got every symptom in the book, aside from vomiting (and that may not be for long.. not vomiting is a serious struggle). But with help I've been managing so far..

Even though these symptoms are killing me, and I can't even complain out loud because people will look at me like "WTF" so.. yeah.. I gotta deal.. sigh.

I see the doc again on the 31st. I'm excited to hear a heartbeat..
But till then... Can I feel any worse??
Stay tuned for additional messy life info

No comments:

Post a Comment

Hi! Thanks for commenting. I love to see feedback, questions, etc. Although the moderation has to be in place I normally review within a few hours. The max is 24. I hope you come back for more musings and share this blog with your friends. Cheers!