I've been trying to capture life as it happens for my film. That's what makes me the type of filmmaker that I am. That's also the most important part of doing a biogra-film. You have to capture yourself (or a piece of yourself that you want to showcase) as it is. So right now I'm trying to capture aspects of my pregnancy. But it's like. Trying to live my life and film it at the same time.
That's very difficult to do by the way.
Not to mention that my life is so fucking complicated. And I'm so busy all the damn time.
And of course I'm pregnant.
Not that that's an excuse or anything... it just means that my energy is cut in half, before the day even begins. Then I have to make the rest extend for work and school, so by the time I get home, or I have time to film... I'm so tired, that I'm just like "fuck it" and I go to sleep.
It's like there's always so much to do, in so little time. It's a little upsetting.
On top of that. I haven't been able to be inspired by a want to capture a visual.
Let me better phrase that.
Prior to all this mess.. well prior to life... I would have a visual in my mind (a sort of vision) that I wanted to recreate, or capture so that I can share it with the world.
More recently, I that hasn't been happening.
In fact, now... it's been that I have words.. in my mind still.. that I want to share with the world. But I'm still a filmmaker, so I have to add a visual that I can capture so that I can visually express what to say.
It would be very boring if I was just sitting in front of the camera talking or reading to it.
I'm sure you wouldn't buy a movie ticket to see that. I wouldn't either.
So here I am.. trying to live. And trying to show the world... at the same time.
I guess if you think about it.. it's not much different from living and writing a blog at the same time.
Well, except blogs don't necessarily need to be cinema verite... no one really cares when it was written, as long as it's a showcase of your life..
But I digress, because I'll end up whining for a very long time if I keep this up.
I just have to trust in myself, and my talent, and in the people who have taught me well.