Had a weird fugue of emotions this morning as I was looking at a diagram of what my baby should look like at this point. All of a sudden I just started crying... and I've been a silent wreck since.
I was walking out of the subway.. and BAM! tears.. I couldn't control it.
I didn't stop until I was two steps away from the office I work at.
I was walking in the kitchen to put my lunch in the fridge.. and BAM! I felt like crying again.
I don't know what's up.
I know last week was rough, but I'm trying to make this week better.
I think I'm feeling these emotions because I bottled so much up last week. I was trying not to stress for the baby and unfortunately I constitute that with not feeling. so I ended up just stuffing it away like I always do.
I really worry about when I do this. I know it's not healthy, but I have no idea how to get out of the habit. I'm also positive that this isn't something that I want to teach to my child. There are healthy, constructive ways to feel and deal with emotions. However, no matter how much I tell myself that, I just can't seem to practice it. I get in this mode where it's like.. "Calm down...breathe.. push the feelings away." Then later on I think.. "Wait, that last part isn't right?..." I know I should talk to someone, but for some reason I don't feel like it's appropriate, or that they would understand (there's a laundry list of reason's I give for bottling up my feelings) And then slowly but surely I start to leak until I burst, and that's no fun for anyone... especially baby.
I have to get some help....