Thursday, February 23, 2012

Stressing Out

I am stressing out like shit. It's ridiculous because it's all I can think about. How fucking much I'm stressed out. To the fucking max right now.
Rent is coming up.. no money for that. and it's looking like I can't find money in the fucking air so I'm just going to have to manipulate my mind to make money appear from some fucking where.
Then my laptop can't charge because for some odd reason the charger chose now.. yes now.. to stop working, to pop that cherry I'm not even sure I still have my Apple Care, and I can't afford to reinstate that (if it is in fact expired) because... well... I can't afford anything right now.
L just lost his job.. and he's sulking about it.. and that's the it... Can you catch any frustration in that statement??  I can.
Oh plus, I've got footage due, like yesterday.. well the day before yesterday. And I haven't done shit.
I'm so fucking stressed. And stressing over my stress, is stressing me out. It's like a fuckball of stress!

This of course is upsetting the baby, who is in return upsetting my stomach. So I can't really eat, but I'm starving. But I don't really feel like eating. Ginger Ale is not helping and I gave up on the fucking crackers months ago. I'm probably gonna throw up later.

In total, this week has been kicking the shit out of me. I thought I was getting somewhere yesterday, only to fall flat on my face today. Fuck You!
(I don't know who that was meant for..)

And I'm fucking freezing at work, it's like cold air blowing on me... all fucking day. Maybe I have a fever or some shit, because no one else seems to be shitting over it except me. So I'll keep my mouth shut and suffer. fml

I've got tons of homework to do, and tons of shit to figure out. Tons of shit.. It's a fucking shit fest. I can't.

I want to complain, but I feel like I have no one to complain to. Like my gripe doesn't mean shit. Which of course, I'm assuming it doesn't. Well at least to the rest of the world. They're like.... "who really gives a fuck? I don't". ... To that I say, "Fuck You!, but I gotta give you that". This is life, I understand that. It's bullshit on top of shitty bullshit. You just gotta roll with the punches and take em. Yes you can fight, but I'm working with no fist right now so... that's not gonna be a pretty fight. And honestly what can anyone really do for me. I'd much rather just do for myself. I don't want anyone thinking I owe them shit. Fuck You! .... again.

So I'm here. On my blog. At work, I'm supposed to be working on something. Sigh. I'll finish that up and then waste my life away on the train home. And then figure out how fucked up my life really is.

I swear, if it wasn't for this baby. I'd have called it shit a long time ago.

Every time I feel like shit has hit the fan, I just look at the sonograms. And all I can think is "Weeeee!" as I stare at my baby caught somersaulting in my uterus. That's one lucky baby. I'm one lucky mommy. And this is one hell of a life. But we're doing it together (and we're not alone..even if it feels like it, I swear I'm the only one stressing this much!). And I'll do whatever it takes (aside from anything that I.. yes I consider morally (although I'm not too fond of that word..) not good) to make this hell of a life a golden ( I prefer silver though..) Silver life.. for my baby.


  1. Hey, I've been reading your blog for a couple of weeks now. I'm really enjoying hearing about the baby. I don't know you, but have you ever thought about trying God? When I get stressed I just talk to God about it. Even though the problems don't always stop, He calms me down so I can think straight and handle it better. He understands everything that's going on in your life right now, and he also knows that part of your stress is probably hormones..I don't know what you believe about God, but maybe you should give this a shot. I did. And I have never regretted it.

  2. Hi! I'm actually astonished that someone has been reading it, I thought it was like a dinosaur in valley of super interesting BMW's (if that makes any sense..) But I really appreciate the advice about talking to God. I do believe in God and his higher power, but I happen to be Agonistic, so I don't follow any particular religion. But I do pray and speak to God and look to him for answers when I don't have any for myself. Thanks for reminding me about that, with everything that's been going on I've kinda neglected seeking out help from anyone really. I'd definitely give it a try. Thanks so much!


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