Friday, March 2, 2012

I'm trying to learn

Im trying to learn how to not get so upset by things.. but honestly, it's these tiny things that prick away at me until I can't stand it anymore. And by that time I pop. But what's been happening is that, because I do so much to supress my overwhelming feelings for everything...including the big stuff. I get to a point where everything and anything starts to chip away at the last bits of my sanity. So I get pissed about anything. I can't function correctly, I can't think logically or process shit. I stay on edge and no matter what I do, I only feel worse. And things only get worse and It because an obstain ball of "FML".
Then... Im left feeling so empty and hurt by the world, and isolated and people just don't understand. I can't think of how to explain it, so I don't I just push it aside and hide it away, find something to make me smile and pretend it's ok.. when it's not. It's just a major disastor waiting to happen. It's a break-down waiting to occur.
I can't deal with this shit anymore. I can't take the stess and Im ready to just say fuck it. But you see, that's not acceptable in my eye, so I stay perpetually pissed.
Im falling apart.. slowly. I need a break. I need to get away, from everything... But of course, I can't step outside of my body and take a time out. I still have responsibilities and a livelihood to upkeep, and most of all my baby.
I know this is no good for my baby. And it's killing me.. knowing and feeling so helpless. It hurts.. physically. To think that my child is suffering for my emotional pitfalls. I want to be happy for my baby, healthy for my baby.


  1. When you get overwhelmed, you really should turn to Jesus. Right now, I feel like I'm living a soap opera, but God is the only one who has kept me from going insane..He loves you, and he's carrying you through everything. Just like he's doing for me.

    1. Thanks... I've been doing a lot of thinking, which has kept me up till 5 in the morning. but it has definitely been helpful in getting me through this. I appreciate your thoughtful words, they're very helpful.


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