Monday, July 23, 2012

Back on Track

So in the good news arena, I'm finally back on track!

  • I finished my film!
  • My boyfriend got a new job!
  • And we're on our way to getting more baby stuff!
I'm really excited about everything. There's still a lot to worry about but I have a really good feeling that it'll all work out. 

Monday, July 2, 2012

The Worries

I seem to have that case of the worries. Problem is my worries are large and severely justified. It's quite a dilemma. Not only do I have those regular worries that are problematic for mommy-to-be's, but I have these major-real life-hard to fix-what the hell am i going to do worries that leave me in a depressed stupor.
I'm now 8 months 1 month away gestation, but techincally 2 months away birth. :o no matter how you look at it though, i'm still running out of time. And quickly at that.

  1. I have no nursery.
  2. I don't really have a place at all. (I didn't want to be moving after Olivia's birth and the apartment we're in now is severely inadequate)
  3. My boyfriend just lost his job. 
  4. Mine isn't cutting it on it's own.
  5. Actually even before that, both our jobs wasn't cutting it...
  6. We have little to nothing for Olivia
  7. No crib, not even a pack n play, not much going on in the clothes dept, and nowhere-near enough diapers. Like i said we don't have a nursery, and nothing that supposed to go in it.

Im at a loss for what to do. This is a hurdle that is looking hard to pass. :/
These worries along with whether or not i'll survive an all natural birth are killing me. All i can say simply is "I don't know"
I don't even think I can muster up a positive thought process.
I don't think I have anymore: " I can do this." And "We'll figure it out."s. They're just no longer there. Metaphors are wanning in there ability to positively effect reality. I feel like crap, my boyfriend feels like crap, but at least the baby is happily excited to come out when her time is near. So excited in fact, that I'm worried she won't give me those full two months that I so awfully need. And she's so tiny. I always worry.
Worry, worry, worry. Those darn worries. They make me miserable, but what makes it worse is they're truth. Or rather their lacking in an answer to their enigmatic question.
I guess all I really have left is hope and trust in myself and my boyfriend that we'll pull through. Somehow someway. I must stop putting negative thoughts out there even if I don't have positive one's to replace them. Something's gotta give, because something always does.