Ok, so I know I'm like hella late, but good news........... [insert drum roll]
SHE'S HERE!! Olivia Willow Leiva
The most gorgeous thing I've ever laid my eyes on, I swear.
Now I bet you're wondering "What the hell happened??!!" Well it's quite complicated. I actually started writing several post during the midst of all the commotion but before I knew it I was being swopped into the hospital so they never got posted.
It was the afternoon of my 37th week that I found out that I had to be induced because the test came back and she wasn't growing. They also found that her blood flow was selectively going to her brain, which is normally a signal that something is wrong. So the doctors advised I go back home, get my stuff together and return to the hospital that night to have the baby. Unfortunately as soon as I got home (about an hour later) I received a message from my midwife stating that after she looked at the results I should've been immediately admitted to the hospital.
Of course I was devastated because not only did that mean that I was no longer going to be able to have my water birth, I was going to give birth in a hospital, under super stress levels. Definitely not what I wanted my daughter to come into the world to.
However, I knew that I had to do as they said because they were the only ones who could legitimately tell if something had cause to worry about. So I rushed through the house like a tornado on Red Bull and packed my bag (which I hadn't even thought about until this point) and got myself together.
Thankfully my boyfriend was with me the entire time. I couldn't have done ANYTHING without him.
We made it to the hospital at 7pm. I got registered then hooked up to the monitor. At first they were concerned about her heart rate, but within minutes she improved so they decided that they would induce me with Pitocin.
I was moved to another room and told to get settled. I had to mentally prepare myself for labor because deep down in my heart I wasn't ready, but I wanted to make sure she was ok, have her in my arms and begin the life long journey that these 9 months had set me on a path towards.
They broke my water, and set me up on the pitocin drops. Within minutes of starting the pitocin I began to have contractions 2 minutes apart. They only felt like slightly more forceful menstrual cramps so I felt confident that I could take them on. Every half an hour my midwife came in to check on my dilation, I was getting there, but not very fast.
Within no time the pain became almost unbearable, but I knew it was only the beginning so I didn't complain, just held onto anything nearby with each contraction. After some time my midwife came in with a concerned look on her face. It seemed as if I wasn't getting far in dilation and Olivia was having a hard time with the labor. There didn't seem to be enough amniotic fluid in the womb so she was getting squished with each contraction, and even though she was a trouper, she may not be able to hold on for much longer. My midwife explained to me that I was tensing up with the contractions so I wasn't making much progress. And both Oli and I had reached a point where we were tiring out, so I wasn't breathing with the contractions and Olivia moved back up after each of them. She advised that I try and epidural to take some of the pressure off and to allow the contractions to do their job.
Although I had promised myself that I would go au natural with no drugs I listend to all the advise and decided that it might be best that way. They told me that I would still be able to push and I'd be able to feel it, just without as much pain. By that point my entire body was shaking constantly and the contractions were wrecking havoc on me. All I wanted to do was push her out. I wanted her in my arms already, and I figured if they're telling me so, then maybe just maybe the epidural will get me to that point faster.
Unfortunately I was right and wrong. She did come out faster, but she wasn't in my arms and she didn't come out the way I wanted her to.
After the epidural Olivia's heart rate decreased to a scary rate, so they had to take me off the pitocin. Unfortunately my body wasn't very good at labor so I went from contractions every 2 minutes to ones every 10. To top it off I went from 5 almost 6 centimeters to 4 centimeters. It was no bueno. I was frustrated, tired, and so so scared. Again, if it wasn't for L I wouldn't have gotten through it.
After a close encounter with her heart rate dropping to an all time low. I decided to ask if I could push or what were my other options. My doctor came in and after checking how far dilated I was, and looking at Olivia's heart rate, told me that I would need to have an emergency Cesarean section.
This was like an atomic bomb for me, because it was on my forbidden list. I absolutely did not want a c section. But the situation was looking dire, and my daughter's health and safety meant more to me than my preferences. So between tears and a numb, shaking body, I agreed and was swopped away into the operating room within 10 minutes.
I was so scared. 1, because I couldn't feel anything (at all) and 2, because I didn't know if she'd make it or not. All I wanted was to hear her cry... and when I did it was the most beautiful thing ever. She was born 3 pounds 13 ounces. A tiny little thing, with a cry that sounded like a quack. I'll never forget that moment.
Again, unfortunately she got swopped away from me straight into the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit) I didn't get to hold her. I didn't get to see her except for a glimpse. I didn't get to feed her.
I felt as if I did nothing.
I was blessed and ever so grateful that she was ok and from the immediate readings healthy, but THe experience was nothing like I imaged, hoped for or even asked for. I was heartbroken.
Yet, within moments I was drugged up some more and sent to recuperate. Which was more painful than I could've ever thought.
Those stapels were hell, I couldn't breathe right, eat right, sleep right, laugh, cry, pee right. The whole nine yards. I don't think I could've ever imagined that type of pain. It was ridiculous.
So extremely long story short. After spending a week in the hospital I was able to take her home with me.
It's been 3 weeks and my life has changed drastically. I love her to pieces. And my love grows each and every day. She's absolutely amazing. I still can't believe I'm a mother and I have a daughter. It is truly an amazing feeling.
Let's hope that things will only get better from here on out.