I've been thinking a lot about why I feel lonely or lacking in the friend department. I mean I never really hang out or really go out for that matter. My life is composed of work,school, and most important my daughter. I barely even spend time with my boyfriend. I come home he leaves to go out. He's got an extracurricular activity ( if I may call it that.....) that allows him to interact with friends (if I may call them that..) but me?? I've got nothing.
See the problem is I don't fit into any category anymore. I'm not one of those mothers who have a stable family or lifestyle and they go to work, take care of the kids and then have girls night out.. I'm neither a young adult on the precipice of adulthood who can participate in reckless abandon for even a weekend... No. I'm also not a teen mother who can drop her baby off at her moms and go hang out at a club. Or an adult that can drop her baby off at her moms and go out with my husband. No.
What I am is .. A young adult, that's responsible towards her responsibilities. Im a young woman just trying to make ends meet. For her own personal, professional, and familial goals. That no longer has any substantial support from her family without any action taken in that area backfiring on her.... I'm a girlfriend that tries her best to be the best girl possible even though I find myself failing a lot. I'm a mother that loves her daughter more than anything else and am very insecure about other people babysitting her (except my mom...but that has its own issues along with it.). To be honest I have no extra time nor money and I'm not sure how to make any of that.
I believe I'm the only one in my category. I find it hard to be around other moms because their life is either way better than mine or a whole lot worse. I find that I don't fit in. I don't have any old longtime friends around me. I have Facebook friends of course but most of my friends that I could connect with live in other states. And even them I'm jealous of. They either have no kids and are living it up or they have kids and are comfortable in their relationships (most are married) and their lifestyles... And they're living it up.
I'm just not there yet I guess. I'm stuck in this limbo and it leaves me oh so lonely.
Maybe one day that'll change. Sigh