Relationships are hard for me... Obviously... I don't have enough experience to know if its me or just the guys I choose to be with. I've only had like 3 boyfriends my entire life so far. I've only had sex with 3 guys, one of them I wasn't in a relationship with. So that just makes a mess of things. I had dreams of getting married one day. I can even see it in my head. Probably during spring or even right after summer when we transition into fall.. In the park with a beautiful dress that's non-traditional. I don't know there's a lot of details that I can see clearly, I just can't see the man.
I once upon a time thought I'd be marrying my current boyfriend. Even before all our troubles started to solidify, but at this point, I'm adult enough to see that that's not gonna happen. We're just not compatible enough. Does that mean ill be alone for the rest of my life? I told him that If I wasn't with him I wouldn't be with any other man, which is somewhat true. I don't think I have it in me to fail again. I've failed at every relationship so far in one way or another. Even if the failure isn't my own person, I take on the failures of others. I know it's confusing but It makes sense to me.
Sometimes I think to myself maybe you won't end up with with a guy.. Maybe you'll end up with a girl. Or just plain ole alone. I don't know what the future holds, but I just know the present isn't very reassuring.