Saturday, April 6, 2013

Among other things

So my best friend wants me to leave L as soon as possible. She says that if he can hit me once, twice, then he can do it again. And no matter how out of character it is or how much he apologizes, if he has an aggressive tendency then he has an aggressive tendency and that's just an invitation for trouble.

I'd still rather just bring our relationship to a cordial end and go our separate ways. My beastie speculates that that might make him angry and that he won't allow it.

I don't know what to do exactly. We've always been honest with each other, about things of that nature and even though it has been difficult to communicate at times, I always felt that its just better to agree on what needs to be done. But I have a sure feeling that my best friend is right and he won't take well to me wanting to move on and find my own place in Brooklyn. As well, what will that mean for him? He's still working this thing out with his papers. He can't get a stable job yet, which means he's stuck at the mercy of his boss and our landlady.
Who is also housing us illegally. Meaning if the building management find out we're renting a room and paying her, we'd ALL be without a home.

It's all so complicated and difficult. I know he's hit me and that at this point I shouldn't care so much about his well being. But I do. And that puts me in a vulnerable spot. Even though I don't want to get hit again. I don't want to involve authorities in this, or my family. But I think I'm the only one thinking about those consequences.

It's so tough.

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