Monday, July 22, 2013

I don't know what

I'm at the pinnacle, the precipice of I don't know what. 
I can't call this stress, or anger, or depression because its more like a mixture of all of that. 
I told my best friend the other day I'm like the human form/manifestation if a bruise. 
Literally, it's like I'm  sensitive to everything...everything...EVERYTHING! 
And at this point everything is so askew on all aspects that I can't even begin to make sense of it, or to muster up the energy to deal with it. 
Where has my life gone? Where is it taking me? These lessons that I'm learning through pain have not provided me with the ability to make changes. 

We've got to move by August 1st. So by next week. 
We have no prospects what so ever. We put some money into a realtor, but with our particular mix of shitty backgrounds we only qualify for one apartment. And it's more than we were looking to spend on rent. But it's our only hope at this point so we're gonna check it out. But we haven't even seen the place yet. I just hope that it's worth it's exorbitant price. 
NYC rent is rape I tell ya. 

As well, we'd still need the money to move in. Which is currently non existent. So it's looking like we're going to have to borrow. I'm putting all my faith in my mom, but I can't totally depend on her..
And because L hasn't been working its up to me and my overdrawn acct. 

 We're between a rock and a hard place. 
I'm up shits creek. 

Where is life's divine lesson? How does it end? Who determines that? 
Because I'm feeling pretty powerless.

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