Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Stress kills

I'm pretty sure the stress is killing me. It's destroying my memory and my intelligence alike. My mind can't focus on multiple things like it used to be able to, and forget things I just heard. I forget words and phrases that used to be second hand to me. I'm not the same. I'm not myself. My creativity and inspiration are both at an all time low. Even at my worse, in the pits of the hell that is depression I wasn't this bad. I don't know how I'm making it through each day. My body is sending me all sorts of emotional, mental, and especially physical signals. I believe that slowly but surely I'm shutting down. 

But really who is to blame? I could spend the rest of this post naming and blaming but really it's just the life that I've landed myself in. The circumstances that I was too stubborn to foresee. And although I don't know who I am anymore I know that it was me and only me that walked to this place I now find myself in. 

Call me naive, childish, irresponsible, but honestly all it is is misguided. Or rather lack there of. I've spent a lot of time being told what to do, not shown. Forced into an opinion that wasn't my own. And I rebelled. Had my spirit been nourished and guided, id probably be at a better point in my life. 

Oh well, it is what it is. 

So now, all I have is this stress. That's eating away at me. Tearing me at the seams. And while others look upon the broken pieces on the floor, some walk upon them, others sadly sigh, I stand aside and watch, waiting for a guide. 

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