Thursday, June 12, 2014

It feels like you're dying

That's what a broken heart feels like, a broken soul, and an open mind.

Sometimes I find myself standing still just pondering on how hurt I feel. How CONFUSED I feel.
Like what the fuck is love?
How is it even possible for me to say that I am in love, or love someone when there's so much pain attached to it. Shouldn't that be physically impossible?
Well if it's not it should be.

I don't get this.... thing..... I'm in.

One minute it feels so much like love, it feels so much like happiness and contentment that I can almost dupe myself that it's real.

But by the next moment the illusion falls before my eyes and I am left to bear witness to the destruction that remains.

Sometimes I like to pretend I am enjoying the ignorance. I pretend that I am totally unaware. I like to purposefully forget. But like a wound unattended that always comes back to haunt me.

I've tried to stop looking for the messages. But it's addictive. It's like when you open the gate to the other world, you can't close it. Not only will you notice the spirits, but the spirits will now notice you.
I don't do it all the time, just when I want to snap myself back into reality. Just when I've caught myself making plans for the future. When I catch myself using that stinking L word.

And that's when I find myself standing still...
pondering how hurt i feel. How CONFUSED I feel.
Like whtat the fuck is love?

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