Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Oh yeah!! Ummm, good news!!

Believe it or not I actually came on here to write some depressing shit (because every time I think I'm alright some depressing shit comes and fucks me up..) but alas, I realized that even before I can get to the depressing shit, I have to announce the monumental news!!


For the first time in foreverrrrrr.... I'm not fucking homeless!!!

And it's my own. My fucking OWN. I'm so excited I can't even.

But it doesn't really feel real yet.

Still working out this employment thing so hopefully by next week I'll have even better news.. but for now all I can think about is the damn depressing shit. Why is that so?


GOOD NEWS!!! We've moved!! I'm FINALLY a out of the fucking shelter. This feels great. This feels awesome. And I didn't cry!! That must mean I'm an adult. I'm just saying. Olivia has her own room now and L and I's relationship has gotten a lot better. Just like I thought, now is truly when our relationship starts because we get to test it out like normally people- not like homeless vagabonds.

The stress is still high because now it's about figuring out employment. L is not working right now and I might be switching jobs. It's a lot and even though we made it... We haven't made it.

As I write. I think about the obstacles that I have overcome. I am proud of myself but I still have a lot more to go. I am not comfortable yet. I feel anxious. Because I know I am almost there. I've almost reached the point where I can breathe. Drink a cup of tea. Let my creative juices fly and make my way into my own skin. But right now I'm just at step one. It's crazy because now that I'm here (I honestly thought I'd never make it) it feels like I need to rush into the next thing. I want so bad to be able to feel relief knowing that I don't have to stress ( all that much) about money.. Right now everything is up in the air and its nerve wracking. Like what the fuck is gonna happen now?!!?? Will I by any chance get to step 2??? Will it take me another 5..10..15..20 years??!! Like hell!!! Life is too short to waste time by wasting away my talent, skills, innovation, energy etc.

I had a talk with my current boss and for a while there I doubted myself. I doubted I'd get where and what I want. Then after that day of doubt I said " Fuck that shit, I'm fucking awesome."
And that was that. I decided to not let his poison put me to sleep. I chewed that apple then I spit it out. Poison taste gross, and life's too short for gross things. I'd like to digest something yummy, so I updated my resume and I'm sending it out today- no matter what. I'm handling my business and I'm going to continue to do so until I've reached step 2. I'm going to ask for help, from everyone.. Because that's how I got to step 1. I never gave up and I got help wherever I could. So fuck it. Let's do this...

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