I'm pretty sure I'm experiencing at least the first 2 stages of grief right about now. Or an odd mixture of all of them at the same time.
I'm pretty fed up with everything. I've kinda checked out and I can't seem to motivate myself to do anything, almost at all. It's been a really rocky night and an even rockier day. I'd just like to go home and crawl into my bed and sleep.
Too bad L is sick and I have Olivia to take care of. I'd much rather not have to worry about anyone.
What really has me more upset than anything is that I feel cheated. I knew this job wasn't cutting it, but it was making ends meet and that's the most important thing. I feel like I have no actual footing and at a moments notice I could be in some deep dark hole trying unsuccessfully to claw my way out.
On top of that I feel cheated by my goddamn coworkers although I know they're human and this isn't their fault, I feel like I don't deserve this compared to them.
Obviously this does not apply to all of them, just one in particular who never shows up for fucking work and yet she still has a goddamn job. Like seriously??!!!!???>>>
I can't seem to get past not really feeling this bullshit piece of shit they've fed me. I'm ready to give up. I can feel it.
Depression is hitting me hard. I've been putting on a brave face, and I've been doing the best I can, but everytime I walk into this office, every time I sit at this desk or answer this bloody phone it feels like betrayal to my emotions. To my actual heartbreak. it's not fair! It's not fucking fair!
I do so well, and I work so hard and I always seem to get the short end of the stick. I hate this, I hate every fucking second of this. But I have no choice but to move on i guess. cause that's what i do. i persevere right? i make fucking magic happen right?
i dont' know where i am. or what i'm doing. or who i am for that damn matter. what the fuck is this?