Saturday, November 7, 2015

After effects

. I still the feel the blanket of the nightmare on me. I didn't go to sleep right away. Instead I trolled Facebook, checked emails, played games, watched Wendy Williams and watched (and did) other illicit things to try and get my mind off the inevitable. By the time I tried going back to sleep it was about 4 am. I tossed and had a few other less important but equally startling dreams. They were so vivid. 
Later on, L tried to wake me up to "cuddle", I pushed him away like he had done me. And then I tried sleeping again. I was in and out for several hours, Olivia coming in a few times to lay next to me. At first she looked at me once and ran away crying, I wondered what she saw in my aura. What type of energy was I emitting? I also think she was frightened by the lack of sleep I had gotten. I'm sure it rolled off my body like a bad smell. 

I finally woke around 10 and struggled to accept the day. I haven't really spoken with L beyond what was necessary, he annoys me and I don't think I can handle much. He didn't even care what I had a nightmare about. To be honest all he really cares about is himself. And he deflects that by saying I'm the selfish one. 

Right now we're heading to his cousins daughters bday party. I'm so exhausted. 

I don't really know what I'm doing at this point. 

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