Well that's me.
That's fucking me.
I'm supposed to be following up with so many things (medically) but I feel like I'm insane now so I'll just let them slip away.
And then I thought I had a legitimate issue at work, and I did.. I do.. But it's been de-validated so I feel like a shit head. I wanna go hide in a rock. Not that I don't have any reason to be concerned (with that whole debacle I just feel more concerned) but the air around it just let me know I made a mistake talking abut it. It's like in a horror story talking about the ghost dimension or then"other side" makes the ghost, demon, ect. aware of your presence.
Oh well..???? I guess. I just have to pretend I didn't just metaphysically die today. I have to stop fighting the system. Because it's fucked up in so many ways.
And now I can't go back. I can't go back to not being sick, or not being broke, or stressed, or worried. I can't go back to not being the black sheep at work.. (Not literally though, half of us are black) but I feel like someone's watching me.. Trying to get me to fuxk up and then proceed to destroy me (I know who it is, and yes she's white)
I can't go back to being happy. It's almost gone.
I'm heading towards breakdown valley and I can't stand that. I've got too many pent up emotions and I don't think I'll make it much farther. I worked so hard to get better. So hard to compromise. So hard to be the perfect thing. Well not perfect, but ideal. Without losing who I am. But now I'm just metaphysically dead. That's it.