Monday, June 20, 2016

Let's catch up:

I've been gone for some time and I never got to settle some of my mess.

  1. I did end up breaking up with L. Only briefly, and it wasn't even after that event. 
  2. We got engaged, then broke up, then got back together. 
  3. A part of me can't stand him, but I can't be without him. I think that's love.
  4. oh.. yeah.. We got engaged. it's actually pretty good. 
  5. He's still not working, and it's stills stressing me out. 
  6. I'm over here trying to move into 2017 without financial woes, and he's still trying to move up from 2015. 
  7. But I still love him. 
  8. Oh yea, and I'm still trying to have another baby. 
  9. I didn't do anything for my birthday. Happy Belated Birthday to me! (also Mothers Day, because I think I missed that, and Fathers Day... it was jacked up... )
  10. I'm not really sure what I'm doing now. 

Now that we're all caught up. I'd just like to put it out there that I'm slowly losing my mind. 

AGAIN!! I don't know how much more of this I can take. Something needs to give. Like yesterday. It needs to give, give, give, GIVE. 

I'm pretty sure that I'm going insane. I'm ripping apart at the seams, and it's affecting my mood like no one's business. I'm trying to be the good guy (girl) here and not push my stress on anyone else. but I just want to yell. LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE. 

L keeps asking me why I have an attitude, and I just want to yell at him: BECAUSE I CAN'T CONTINUE TO SUPPORT THE FAMILY BY MYSELF!!!

My best friend keeps sending me videos about becoming vegan because I make the mistake of complaining about being sick and fat, and I just want to yell at her: I FUCKING LIKE MEAT, I DON'T GIVE A DAMN!!! I'M TOO FUCKING STRESSED TO CARE!!

Because that's the honesty of the situation. 

I can't sleep right, I can't think straight, I can't eat right, my emotions are in a tizzy, my brain is fizzy.. (ok, I just couldn't help myself with that)

It's happening again, the depression is kicking in. I can't seem to get my damn shit together. I just need a little bumb. A little... something.. maybe.. a little help. 

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